Death is a natural phenomenon. We all are going to pass on at some point. The tragedy of death it is that it’s so final at least in physical world.
Over the past year and half I lost four significant people in my life. The hardest one was loosing one of my best friends.
Hershie is one of my best friends, she lost her battle with a rare form of cancer. She was 37 years old. The illness came on suddenly and by the summer she knew she was dying or in serious condition. I watched her dying, though I did not know it at the time. I remember having to leave her house and calling my other best friend in tears because she was so thin and so unlike her. I took 10 mins and went back in. Hershie, her nick name was my amazing friend , mother , wife. We use to go out dancing, or fashion events or just over to each other places for coffee and talk for hours. Her death , broke my heart. I knew I’ll never get any more time and felt robbed of it. But she was suffering so wanting her around was totally selfish on my part. I felt so guilty for not spending more time with her. I was not feeling well at beginning of the year so I did hang out with my friends as much. Then the time I started feeling better she became really sick. The last time we hang out was Christmas. We hung out and talked everyday before she passed, her last text to was to me. She passed away surrounded by her love ones.
Grief comes in waves, one minute your okay next minute a mess. Here a few things I did to get over the loss and the guilt of losing my best friend suddenly and my grandparents.
1. Acceptance : This was the biggest one to except that they were gone and the situation was what it was and that I could not change even though I wanted too so badly. I also had to accept that they were suffering living and it was unfair to want them to stick around.
2. Stop the guilt trip: We can be with someone 24/7 and when we are sick. Just enjoy the times with you have with people. And appreciate them as much possible. Make time but don’t feel guilty if something happens to shorten the time. Make time for when they are alive, even a call and know that effort is enough. I had to get over the guilt of declining a party and dinner invitation from my best friend before the illness became apparent.
3. Take time to grieve but do not gravel in it: I found keeping busy help me during the initial weeks before the funeral. Talking to others help too.
3. Do an activity: Journaling and dancing or something active helped me with the emotional roller coaster that you experience with death.
4. Religion or Spirituality: My faith helped me make sense of what death and provided comfort that logical or scientific explanations have yet done. But whatever you believe is okay , find what works for you ❤️
5. Relaxing techniques: you body literally goes through physical trauma. Take bath, tea , watch positive things.
6. Gratitude: Lastly be grateful for the presence in your life. Remember them always just because someone is physically not here does not mean the relationship has to die. I everyday talk to Hershie like she was listening and to grandparents lost. Whether they are here or can hear me, I can say but I can tell you this, I feel their love always.
Death and Grief is never easy not matter how much loss is in your life, we have to learn to cope in healthy ways. If you experience a loss I encourage you to reach out to love ones or professionally and to take of your self.