Compassion for self: You need to develop it in order to move on and heal from trauma

There is a quote about compassion that is powerful.  ” If compassion does not include yourself- it is incomplete.” Buddah

To start off, I am so grateful for life for my people and for the amazing blessings and lessons we learn. 

I had a conversation awhile back, where I was explaining for months kept these negative getting invasive thoughts about myself for months, that did not reflect reality. I kept feeling like the “loser.” How stupid was I to trust the wrong person. Was I just that desperate? Maybe I should quit writing. Maybe I deserved to be bullied for seeking external validation-wanting my story to be heard (Never true, you are never to tolerate abuse)? How regretful I was “endorsing” the people I did not know only to be made a fool out of?  The guilt of literally cutting them off publicly- after finding out they lied to me about supporting me too. I stop and I cried.   It felt like tornado, they just won’t stop. This was my childhood replaying out, I felt there was something deeply wrong with me. I never had a real conversation with them, yet I cared about them as I would a family friend, what the hell was wrong with me?  I would never treat someone online, like how I was treated- Not my standard. 

The exact response I got was ” Are you done with your pity party? We have more important things to talk about and you are not doing the hard work. You already know the answer. You are a good person, replace your thoughts and remember all the good times. You are fine. Get out of your ego. Maybe do some healing with your spiritual adviser. ”  

My response ” True, I love you mom. ” 

 For months my mind questioning how to how the hell do cultivate deep compassion for people who legit don’t give a shit about you and at some point bullied you?  I forgot a key component, myself without including you,  compassion is incomplete. How do you find compassion for yourself? I felt I failed myself- I knew intuitively that this person was not being genuine- I should have just walk away sooner, not given the benefit of the doubt. This was literally coming into my head every other day a few months after it happened.

First off, I did go see a healer and what was I suppose to learn? They told me…you no longer have to accept ill treatment, you are not that little girl without a voice anymore. You can walk way, feel empowered that what you were suppose to learn and you did. You passed your test. Remember your worth, be gentle with yourself. 

Developing deep compassion is very hard especially for ourselves.  What was holding me back was my own lack of compassion towards me. I am my own worse enemy. My self- esteem was being bash not by anyone than myself. The situation was long over and I was having trouble letting go. I was not facing my own thoughts completely and punishing myself, like I was made to feel in childhood (due to a one side of toxic family). My own toxic old patterns were attracting people who did not care and repeating.  

So I changed my tune….and my thoughts about the situation and instantly feel the change. It is hard work and I make a conscious effort to change my thoughts and replace. I let them go through and I challenge it with another positive thought right after. Instantly I was able just to let it go and forgiveness came in for not trusting myself and my intuition.  ” I was empower then in the handling the situation, I am even more empowered now.”

How do you develop self compassion?

  1. Let go of this idea that you are perfect you will make mistakes, oh well and challenge all your negative thoughts. Legitimately replace them with a new one, call yourself on your own bullshit.
  2. Be grateful <3

3. Understand you have triggers and wounds too and you are valid and not responsible for other feelings or actions. You do not need to carry others burdens.  

4. Healing can take place slowly, do not be ashamed for not being okay one moment and okay the next.

5. Go and seek help, talk therapy is really important to do and spiritual healing. 

6. Do things that make you happy and give back to others.

7. Stop giving so much or find the right level of generosity. 

8. Mindfulness, being present in the hear and now.

Here is a great read <3

https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/self-compassion-5-steps/

 

Happy Healing and remember to be gentle with your self in life. Developing deep compassion for yourself will help you develop it for others. 

Mia V.

 

 

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